Knight Rider!

I didn't get an advance copy of NBC's "Knight Rider" remake. And I'm glad. I'm glad that I got to share this moment with all of you.

This was so completely, awesomely terrible. My platinum standard of terrible has always been the 1992 Fox show "Woops!" Which was a sitcom. Set in a post-apocalyptic future immediately following a nuclear war. That was deliberately modeled on "Gilligan's Island."

That, needless to say, set a very, very high bar for awfulness.

But I am thrilled, tickled and delighted to say that the new "Knight Rider" has ascended to the top of the list.

The car that turns into a pickup truck. Or catches on fire, requiring the hero and heroines to take off their clothes or be incinerated. Or the fact that the entire cast appears to have been selected based on some kind of heretofore theoretical negative acting ability. Or that Val Kilmer recorded his dialogue during a barbituate-induced suicide attempt. Or that the dialogue was written by Mrs. Kennsington's third-grade English class at Decatur Elementary in Peshtigo, Wis. Or when the hero pauses during a car chase to update his MySpace page. Or that the car chases were filed using Matchbox cars and a diorama created by the aforementioned Peshtigo third-graders.

I mean, "Heroes" is sometimes so bad it's good. "The A-Team" was often so bad it was good. "Woops!" was so bad it was pure, unadulterated genius.

"Knight Rider" is like Feynman to "Woops'" Brian Greene. Mozart to "Woops'" Salieri. Lio to "Woops'" Garfield.

It was a transcendent experience. And I shall relish the five episodes it will get before being canceled.