Wednesday, May 24, 2006

More Idol (plus a little "Lost" blogging)

I may be imagining things, but Carrie Underwood doesn't look happy to be there. And she looks short, which may be related. Just think, last night she was a real star, now she's just last year's has-been.

FYI: When Ryan Seacrest says the finale will have an audience of 200 million, he means a potential audience. Actual guess -- maybe 36 million.

Searching for a Christmas gift for Randy Jackson? Allow me to suggest a thesaurus. Dog.

Um, the O'Donahue twins? A little creepy.

Ryan, "And now to Katharine's hometown of, um, here..." He's pretty good when he wants to be.

Lessee, Paris is maybe two feet tall, so does that mean Al Jarreau is knee-high to a hobbit? Possibly.

OMG, I can't tell which one is Daughtry and which one is the Live dude. It's amazing. BTW, Daughtry may actually be a better singer than the Live dude. They were one annoying band, as I recall. And this song blows. Go to Fuel if you need to join a late-90's bunch of has-beens, Chris.

"Puck 'n Pickler" -- genius idea, but Pickler is so hokey she can sink even the simplest spoof. And I hate her new hair. But, she seems to be on the verge of crying during the bit, so now I feel bad. Bad reporter! Bad!

Meatloaf without Hicks is like a day without sunshine. I would pay good money for a Hicks-Meatloaf double feature (you know Taylor's going to be wearing Meat's pants in two more years. You just know). And I don't care how rich Meatloaf is, he could still never score McPhee. She clearly doesn't want to even touch the man.

BTW, I keep typing "Meatload" by accident. I may need professional help.

I was having so much fun writing that, I didn't even notice how much that song sucked. But it certainly, certainly did.

I just looked up the official Meatloaf Web site and I learned two disturbing facts: 1. It's "Meat Loaf," two words. 2. His site is German. What's up with that? He's a Nazi superweapon, is what! Run, run for your lives!

Every time "Idol" needs to reach for filler, they go for the bad singers. It's pathological. I love it, but it's still incredibly lazy. And a little mean. Bad Idol! Bad! Props to Dave Hoover for extending his 12 seconds of fame.

When they had the guys come out to those big base chords, I seriously thought they were going to do the "Full Monty" velcro pants action. Which is probably where Ace will be in another five years (and maybe Kevin Covais, too).

Poor Bucky, he's actually trying.

Allow me to posit: There is nothing, nothing less manly than a medley. Send them out to in pink tutus and drive them home in Chevy Aveos and it's still nothing compared to the de-manlinizing effect of the medley.

Bless Seacrest for handing out Mustang convertibles with the same nonchalance that he booted Daughtry to the curb.

I heard the notes as Elliott came out and I thought, "Elliott doing U2, that's so cool! That's awesome!" And then he started singing. Oh Elliott. Oh.

And then Mary J. Blige kicks him to the curb. Insult to injury. And he's a foot shorter than her. He's Al Jarreau -sized!

I am in no way anti-country. Heck, I think it's fair to say I'm pro-country. But Carrie Underwood was sucking it up tonight.

Gotta switch to "Lost!" Thank goodness for picture and picture!

(Bitchin' Desmond flashback, BTW). And Toni Braxton is way hot.

(Sayid's plan really stinks. Signal fire? Sure, that'll work.) (Mr. Eko soooooo rocks beatin' on Locke. I'm totally man-crushing).

"Being a Woman?" Is that the lamest song choice ever? Oh, wait, no we've got 400 other songs with "Woman" in the title. Totally lame.

Seacrest is totally dissing this summer's "Idol" tour. Bless him. He so rules. Not like Mr. Eko, but in a miniature human being sort of way, definitely.

Oooh, Clay Aiken's here! The party can start! And, he' s all Chris Gaines'd up. Kickin!

I just got Chris Gaines and Tony Mandarich in successive posts. This is some kind of blogger name-drop Nirvana. I'm having a moment.

(Michael shooting with the empty gun at the CGI bird. Oh, that's good. Hurley "Did that bird just say my name?" Sawyer "Yeah it did, right after it crapped gold." This is way better than Idol, folks. Really, switch over).

(Locke and Desmond facing off. With VHS tapes. "You want to take a walk, I'll make the popcorn." Tell me that ain't cool.)

("Live together, die alone." It's a great episode title, but Jack... he needs to die. Wouldn't that be a great season cliffhanger? Everyone else on the island is more interesting now, anyway.)
(A giant, four-toed foot. That beats a freakin' hatch for mystery any day.)

(And now Locke has the Jesus stick. That's soooooo coool!) (The guy in the yellow suit says his name is Inman. Is that a "Cold Mountain" reference? Interesting.)

Back to Idol. Michael Evans of Denver gets a few more seconds of fame. Wow, Prince. Did not see that coming. He can't sing anymore, though, can he? He's Al Jarreau -sized, too. It's kind of a theme tonight.

("I'm absolutely certain, that if he's successful, everyone on this island will die." Now that would be a season finale.) (BTW, Michael is so going to die tonight.)

Taylor and McPhee... neither one can sing that "Time of my Life" even karaoke-good. My wife likes Katharine's dress, though. Now she's singing along (my wife, that is). Make it stop...

"That's more than any president in the history of our country has ever received." Sure Ryan, but unless EVERYONE in the country voted for Taylor, it's still more than any Idol has ever received, too. (Although everyone voting for Taylor is a distinct possibility).

OK, Taylor won. Nothing to see here. Move along. Nothing to see here.


At 9:21 PM, May 24, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A car wreck of "stars"... Meatloaf and Prince can even be in the same zip code, much less the same building?

I think this finale is the first sign of the Apocalypse.

At 5:04 PM, May 25, 2006, Blogger becca said...

My question: what the heck did Prince have on his feet? I realize the man usually wears some type of height augmenting shoe, but...were those stilettos under his purple flairs?


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