Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Bachelor recap

Terry Terrones reports:

Ah, yes another Monday, another night hanging with "The Bachelor". This can only mean four things.
1. 100 Cheesy grins from Andy (whose name always makes me think of "Toy Story")
2. Host Chris Harrison's gift for hyberbole
3. Yet another 5 minute intro into a show that's now 3 episodes old. You know, just in case you missed something.
4. I have waaay to much time on my hands.

As Andy's drill sargeant used to say in boot camp - Lets get it on!

:04 - Speaking of drill sargeants, its time for boot camp. Evidentally Uncle Fester joined the Marine Corps and likes to make scantily clad women jump up and down with jog bras on! Yeah!

:07 - In a desperate act to get Andy's undivided attention, Bevin breaks her ankle running the obstacle course, getting wiped out by a tire. Did I mention the tire wasn't moving? Brilliant strategy! She gets a rose, doesn't have to do any more crazy exercise crap and taught those crazy "Bachelor" producers a lesson about tire safety.

:13 - Just found out from fountain of information Chris Harrison that Bevin DIDN'T break her ankle. So much for that lawsuit if she didn't win Andy.

:15-:20 - First group date at a spa. Quick summary: Mud wrestling, Stephanie T. hogging all of Andy's time, Stephanie W. getting "special" time with Andy, wife making fun of Stephanie T's crazy eyebrows, me thinking I'm starting to get tired of writing the name Stephanie.

:26-:38 - Second group date, this time at a race track. Quick summary #2: Erin likes to burn clutches and shoot guns (redneck) and Kate needs to go back to drivers ed. We also find out more about Danielle's dead boyfriend. It turns out she woke up next to him one morning and he had exited his earthly vessel (I have about 20 "Weekend at Bernie's" jokes I could use here but I just can't do it).

:44 - Two one one date for Tessa and Pey-TON (Andy's pronounciation). One girl will get a rose and the other will have to leave. My money's on Pey-TON, he seems to like blondes and Tessa's a little insecure. Just wondering how these two got picked, was it the producers? Andy? Strategically you could go a number of different routes. If you're Andy do you pick your bottom two? Do you pick you're top person and bottom person? If you're the producer are you looking for opposites? Oh, no! Listen to me! I'm thinking about Bachelor strategy! Gaaahhh!

:52 - Dinner on the deck of an aircraft carrier? All that's missing is Goose and Maverick singing "Great balls of fire".

:57 - Pey-TON and Tessa plead their cases to Andy with blue lips and chattering teeth on top of the obviously cold aircraft carrier. Andy seems interested in both. What will he do?!? Stupid commercials.

:59 - Oooh, nice "Lost" preview. Is it too late to rescend that hate email I sent to JJ Abrams?

1:03 - Andy cries like a wuss as he gives Tessa the rose, leaving Pey-TON behind. This is the kind of guy we want taking care of injured soldiers? What would he do if he saw a compound fracture? Pass out? Wimp.

1:10-1:18 - Cocktail party time! What did Andy learn? Amanda may be too quiet for him, he views Kate as a party girl, the two Stephanie's are polar opposites, and Bevin is still insecure. So many women didn't get camera time that I have no idea who's going home.

1:22 - Lets give out some roses! Just for kicks lets say Amanda and Kate are goners.

1:26 - Amanda and Erin are done. Erin will now go back to Hugh Hefner and the other ladies from "Girls Next Door." I'm going to miss Amanda, I thought she was the prettiest one on the show.

Wow, what a slow episode. They need to start giving this group some drinks to liven things up. Between Andy's flat demeanor and the lack of cat fighting, this show is acting as a great sleep aide. A couple of final thoughts. I didn't even recognize Danielle the first time she was on camera (which leads to). Andy needs to weed out some of these blondes, too many of these women look too much alike. No Chris Harrison cliche during the show? No "most difficult rose ceremony ever" or "the hardest decision of his life"? Very disappointing. How does Nicole continue to get roses? She looks like crap without makeup and isn't interesting at all. She must have a great figure.

Top 5 Frontrunners List

1. Amber - She got about 5 seconds of camera time in this episode so she must be doing something right off camera that we haven't seen.
2. Bevin - The injury and her slightly less insecure attitude seems to have bonded her to Andy. But will it last?
3. Tessa - Came out of nowhere, I'm not sure what the attraction is.
4. Danielle - Might be getting the sympathy vote due to the deceased boyfriend.
5. Stephanie T - Even though she was the last to get a rose, I think she's still pretty high on Andy's list. Getting the last rose is probably serving as a warning that Andy's not so sure about her motives.


At 9:07 AM, April 20, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marvelous recap! This saves me from having to watch from start to finish.

Long live beautiful women wearing jog bras!


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