Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Somebody's watching "The Bachelor"

Gazette video game writer Terry Terrones watches "The Bacherlor" so you don't have to. Here's his report:

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! I've never laughed so hard in my life! I just got done watching the funniest comedy reality show since "Last Comic Standing!" It's called "The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman." What's that? It's not a comedy? Nobody wins a million dollars and a chance to open for Carrot Top at the Golden Nugget? This is "real"?

That changes nothing. "Officer and a Gentleman" is full of Unintentional Comedy, but it's still fun to watch. The idea that a handsome guy (with a smile only a Hollywood + orthodontist could fully appreciate) and 25 beautiful, educated women need network television to set them up on dates is almost as far-fetched as the premise for "The Matrix". But hey, they both work.

As a man, I usually avoid shows like this but I enjoy watching "The Bachelor" with my wife, who makes more fun of the this show than I do. After a premier episode filled with the requisite giggling, drinking, embarrassing moments and I-though-he-was-ugly-and-really-didn't-want-to-be-here-anyway meltdown, I noticed a few things:
+ Being a beautiful, twenty-something blonde is unattractive to most males, so signing up for a show like this is a good idea
+ Bachelorette Linda is Lisa Rinna's twin sister
+ Susan and Erin look just like Hef's girlfriends from "The Girl's Next Door"
+ Nothing impresses a man more than singing patriotic songs. Next up, showtunes!
+ I saw more cleavage tonight than I could at any of the two local Hooters

The show also led to a number of questions:

+ Does Vegas take bets on the results of these things? If so, I'm putting $20 on Bevin
+ Does anybody in the world have an easier job than Chris Harrison? Who else gets paid that well for pointing out the obvious? Besides a politician.
+ What's the over/under on the number of times we have to hear Chris say "...and The Bachelor faces the most difficult decision of his life"? 20? 30? And how difficult can it possibly be picking between gorgeous women?
+ What's the over/under on the number of times my wife will say "This is so hard to watch! Why are you doing this to me?" I say 50.

And finally

+ Who will replace Lindsay as the person most in need of anger management counseling?
Of course the only way we can find out is if we tune in next week. I'll be there.


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