Tuesday, May 02, 2006

While the cat's away

I took a long weekend mountain biking in Fruita. So while I nurse scrapes and bruises, Gazette video game writer Terry Terrones talks about a golden oldie:

Old School - I love the classics.

I wear Converse All-Stars, I love the Beatles and I still remember the theme songs to the "Love Boat", "Different Strokes" and "The Facts of Life". While I love modern TV (I couldn't live
without my TiVo, HBO, or my four ESPN's).

I sure wish one show from the past would make a comeback - "Battle of the Network Stars". This is one of the most underrated shows in TV history! It lasted from 1976 - 1982 and had some of the biggest stars competing in some of the coolest (obstacle course, swimming, cycling) and goofiest (tug of war, dunking booth) contests ever.

Howard Cossell as an announcer? Are you crazy?!? Wonder Woman Lynda Carter in a swim
suit? Yowza! Tough guy Robert "Try and knock this battery off my shoulder" Conrad blowing up at Gabe "Mr. Kotter" Kaplan than proceeding to get his butt kicked by him in competition (it was either swimming or cycling, I can't remember).

Why don't we have this today? Don't even get me started on "Battle of the Network Reality TV Stars", that was an abomination, lets pretend it never happened. Here's my suggestion on how to bring this back. Have five Network teams and some of the stars from their biggest shows compete in the exact same goofy competitions from the original.

Here's a potential lineup - 1.NBC ("The Office", "ER", "Joey"), 2.ABC ("Lost", "Desperate Housewives"), 3. CBS ("Ghost Whisperer", "Numbers", "Survivor") 4.Fox/UPN/WB ("24", "Smallville, "Americas Next Top Model'), 5. An All Star Cable team lead by HBO ("The
Sopranos", "Pimp My Ride").

Imagine this - the cast of "The Sopranos" taking on the cast of "Lost" in flag football (What's the over/under on the number of players Paulie Walnuts knocks unconscious?). The women of "Desperate Houswives" versus the women of "America's Next Top Model" in Tug of War.
Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from "The Office") pulling a Scott Baio and dominating everyone in the swimming events to everyone's amazement.

And how about Jennifer Love Hewitt in a soaking wet t-shirt in the dunking booth?

We need this to happen. This would provide hours and hours of unintentional comedy. Email, call and generally annoy the networks. Who's with me?


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