Emmys blogging

Nice Billy Crystal montage. As usual, "The Office" is by far the best. "I can see us having two or three seasons of will-they, won't-they sexual tension." Hee.

The "House" bit was good, too.

I'm not loving the stand-up bit. Feels cheap, plus Conan was never an actual comedian -- he was a writer, then a host. And now he's doing song-and-dance. I hope Crystal is getting royalties on this schtick.

Supporting actress in a comedy. Megan Mullaly. Everyone was saying they'd give it to her instead of Jaime Pressley, because, just like on the Oscars, sentimentality always wins. Actually, even more so in the Emmys -- which are (as the Conan bit goes to show) a pallid imitation of the Academy Awards in every way.

And Mullaly gets played off. Yay!

Supporting actor in a drama. Michael Imperioli gets a big round of applause... it is so wrong with Gregory Itzin doesn't win. I don't think the voters watch "24," though. So, see my Mullaly comments, it goes to Alan Alda. Who, in fairness, was really good in the final "West Wing" season. But still, this should have been Itzin's all the way.

Let me take this commercial break to mention that I walked in five minutes before this thing started after three days of Biblical rain in Crested Butte (think Noah, ark, pairs of chipmunks and coyotes, etc.) for what was supposed to be a mountain biking trip. It was more of a low-cost mud bath. So, three days without a shower, not sleeping that well... and yet I think this experience has put me in precisely the right frame of mind to evaluate the Emmys. Grouchy, cynical, sarcastic (more than usual, you understand).

Oh, and then they throw Bob Newhart at me. Newhart is the funniest man in TV history. He gets more laughs out of a straight face than Robin Williams ever did with his rubber goober thing. The three hours of air was really funny.

Supporting actress in a drama. Blythe Danner. Keep in mind, nobody not in Hollywood watched even a single episode of "Huff." Which leads directly to: "I guess I have to thank Showtime, even though they canceled us." Heh.

Jaimie Preslley, presenting: "They come from a great network show, a great cable show and even a great canceled show." Which is exactly what's wrong with the Emmys -- movies no one saw get Oscars, but at least you could still catch them on DVD. Technically, you can do that with TV shows these days, too, but there's something a trace masochistic about devoting hours to something that ends so ignominiously as an early cancellation.

Piven wins suppoting actor in a comedy. That was the biggest gimmee in the show. And richly deserved. He had a funny 15-second acceptance speech, too: "My drama coach told me I'd never work until I was in my 40s. I didn't know what to do with myself for 17 years. Becoming a fluffer? I was confused..."

The Segway podium bit was a funny idea. A catapult or something would have gotten a bigger laugh.

Whoa. Clean-shaven William Petersen. That's probably worth tuning in for all by istelf.

Actress in a movie/miniseries: Kelly McDonald, "The Girl in the Cafe." Another totally bogus award -- not that she wasn't good, but that movie should have had a theatrical release. It should have been up for an Oscar, not an Emmy.

"Daily Show with Jon Stewart" should not win anything for a non-election year. End of story. Even Stewart thinks so.

I'm sort of glad the directing award went for the "My Name Is Earl" pilot -- it was -- unfortunately -- the best episode of the series.

Hear the applause for "The Office's" writing nom? Deserved it, but this goes to the "Earl" pilot, too. Great acceptance speech by Greg Garcia, though. No thanks to social studies teacher, first boss and "God, I'm sure you're responsible in some way, but you took my hair so no thanks to you." Good stuff.

I like the boos for Simon Cowell. He had the grace to seem put-out about it. Decent Dick Clark retrospective. Makes you wish Clark could have bowed out before the stroke, but with a run that long, I can't blame him for thinking he could keep going forever.

Variety. I didn't care who won before, but after Barry Manilow's ugh rendition of "Bandstand," I doubly don't care that he got it. Like Tina Fey's number of Emmy wins, it is physically impossible for me to care less.... but what was he saying about an operating room? Maybe to remove his makeup? Ooh, I'd feel bad if it's something serious.

Wentworth Miller wins the award for stiffest presenter of the night. Guest actor/actress is the category. Who is this guy who won? What did he win for?

Director, drama is next. "Live Together, Die Alone" is still the best title ever for a TV episode. The episode itself, not my favorite. I'm glad "24" won for something, though. This was its best season yet. Who would have thought that concept would get better with age?

Also, his comment "You know what? We're working in the new golden age of television. Let's enjoy it." I happen to totally agree with that, although I think it's poorly represented by the Emmy nominees.

Writing drama. "Sopranos." Sure, whatever. I'm feeling pretty over "The Sopranos." I'm at peace with its passing and ready to let go. It is no longer the best show on television. Or even HBO (if those aren't the same thing. And they may not be this year. Hmmmm).

Actor in movie/miniseries. Jeremy Irons. If you didn't see "Elizabeth I" let me say -- richly deserved. Netflix the DVD if historical dramas don't gag you with a spoon.

Directing comedy. That Megan Mullaly-Howie Mandel intro was oddly painful. And it goes to the Academy Awards guy. Louis J. Horvitz. Not to beat a dead horse, but I don't see the Oscars giving awards to the Emmys. I do like "Get ready to play me off..."

I don't even know what category this [edit, writing for comedy] is with the bears and the guy in the tank and the call center, but that's funny. Best bit of the night, maybe. The Republican lineup for the "Real Time with Bill Maher" was hilarious but probably only in Hollywood. "Daily Show" wins again.

Lead actor, miniseries/movie. Funny bit with Hugh Laurie translating into French -- except "winnowing." Andre Braugher wins. "Thief" was supposed to be a show, it just got canceled before its time. We'll see if the very similar "Smith" on CBS this fall does any better.

Lead actor, comedy. Tony Shalhoub wins for "Monk." That's the shocker of the night. I thought Carell or Larry David were shoo-ins. Tony: "This has been a terrible mistake. I never win anything." True.

Awkward intro to the Aaron Spelling tribute. The only thing that would have been more awkward is if they let Tori on the stage (see the tabloids if you don't get that one). The rundown of Spelling shows is a great reminder of how much I loved his stuff in the '80s, though. Huge "Hart to Hart" fan. Huge.

But they brought back the original "Charlie's Angels." That's a real tribute.

You see how James Woods is looking at Eva Longoria? A little creepy? That's why he's so good in "Shark." Fun show, check it out. What's with Eva's dress, though? Looks a little Bjork to me. "Girl in the Cafe" wins again, for miniseries/movie.

Stewart and Colbert liven things up. Jon - "It's a pleasure to be here tonight." Colbert - "Good evening, godless sodomites." Also, "I lost to Barry Manilow!" That's priceless. "Singing and dancing are not performing. Wolverine [Hugh Jackman] I could have lost to. He's got claws for hands."

Amazing Race wins best reality show. Showing that no one in Hollywood watches reality shows -- and I say this as a "Race" fan. There's just better out there now.

Directing, miniseries/movie - "Elizabeth I." Already covered dat.

Edie Falco (in a verrry low-cut dress) gives a shout out to the troops overseas. Nice departure for Hollywood. Another win for "Elizabeth I" (best miniseries). The night's big winner, even if almost no one saw it. Eh, I can't ding the Emmys for that. It happens at the Oscars , too.

In memoriam - It's always interesting to see who gets the biggest applause. Don Knotts and John Spencer seem to be the winners. Odd Richard Pryor didn't get more -- he even got a laugh in the clip!

Lead actress in a miniseries or movie. Helen Mirren - Elizabeth I. Definitely the story of the night. Helen Mirren is looking good tonight. Maybe just, um, classier than some of the people we've seen tonight.

Lead actress, drama - Mariska Hargitay. SVU, representin'. Interesting that a spinoff gets a shout-out. Don't see that much come awards time.

That "Office" preview got my heart racing. Greatest second season ever, is what I'm saying.

Actress comedy. Julia Louis Dreyfus wins. Color me surprised -- I thought Jane Kaczmarek was a lock. "I'm not somebody who really believes in curses, but curse this baby." Heh.

Ray Liotta and Virginia Madsen presenting. Madsen's dress appears to be cut down to her knees. And Liotta is sporting Brandon Routh's doo from "Superman Returns." Maybe he's playing Bizzarro in the sequel - he looks like a corpse. "Smith," which both star in, is still kick-butt, however.

Kiefer Sutherland wins. Yay 24!

Best comedy - The Office. Yay!

Best drama - 24. Wouldn't have predicted it, but I like it.

Isn't it odd that they're rushing through the biggest awards like they were "best assistant cinematography in a car commercial"? That's the Emmys.

That's a wrap. If I think of any witty follows, I'll throw it in Tuesday's TV Talk. See ya.