Red carpet

It's 3:30 and Joan Rivers and daughter Melissa are already doing the red carpet on TV Guide channel. Which is to say, it's one of those rare times I'm looking for a little more Ryan Seacrest (who's doing the competing carpet show over on E!).

Joan was just holding up cards comparing the size of Terri 's ("Tsotsi," best foreign language film) breasts. It's going to be a loooong night.

For anyone on the computer instead of enjoying the sunshine, the Gazette's Jen Mulson and I will be doing some live commentary during the show tonight. Tune in, or, better yet, pour yourself a glass of wine and watch the show, then read the recap tomorrow.

UPDATE 4 P.M. - Isaac Mizrahi is doing the carpet for E!. Do you think E! has somebody standing by with a stun gun in case he goes for another boob grab tonight?

UPDATE 4:30 P.M. - By the way, the folks up in Denver are already getting the official ABC red carpet report. But, hey, at least we've got Jon Karroll in a tux.

Gary Busey is telling unintelligible jokes on TV Guide. Lord save us all.

I'm also getting a good kick out of TV Guide's "Wal-Mart Fashion Cam." Yeah, I'm pretty sure Keira Knightley hit up Wally World for a little last-minute bling on the way to the show.

Also, I'm wondering, Ryan Seacrest. He's got "Idol," the radio show, does he still have a talk show? Does he sleep?

Joan Rivers, word of advice: This is your job, maybe you should, oh I don't know, know what the heck you're talking about. And don't suck: "I think you're going to go home with a little golden man who is not Jackie Chan."

George Clooney, on the other hand, is mucho suave. "I've got like three or four tux jackets and a pair of pants. I just grabbed something."

UPDATE 5:30 P.M. - Ahhh, E! is ending its red carpet coverage. I can give my remote control thumb a break. Getting some tendonitis there.

And Reese Witherspoon is much more interesting on screen than in person. I guess they can't all be Gary Busey.

Felicity Huffman ("Transamerica") is by far the most excited just to be there. She tears up when they played a clip from her "Housewives" co-stars. It's so cute.

David Strathairn ("Good Night and Good Luck") on the other hand, is the epitome of a working actor. He looks like he punched a timeclock on the way down the red carpet. There's something a little moving about that, too.

Billy Bush to Academy president Sid Ganis: "What can we expect tonight?"
Ganis: "It's going to be a great show, a great show."
Bush: "Thank you very much."
Even by vapid Oscar standards, that's what you might call shallow.